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THE FEAR IN ME

 

Lost all the ability to love

Feeling very dead from inside

Its not like I'm under the weather

Nobody seems to notice the good side

 

Uselessly moving around, doing chores

Completely numbed first by hurt and now loneliness

Wrecked every good thing that happened

Trying to get used to this emptiness

 

My fear of intimacy

Killing every good thing I touched

And me standing there doing nothing

Watching everything I claimed, disrupt

 

My fear of loneliness

Trying to grab every hand I can reach

But I'm slowly slipping into darkness

Sucking on my happiness like a leech

 

On one end I lose everything I wanted

On the other, I lose myself

Intimacy or loneliness

Stuck in this loop, helpless

 

The games my mind plays

The urge to win the game

And be the alpha female

Is turning everything to flames

 

I find a potential partner

Worthy of their talent

I start doubting them as well

Transform friendships into something violent

 

Sometimes I fear me

And the hurt I will inflict

If things go south

Because of the of the game I cant resist

 

Sometimes I wish I was somebody else

Devoid of these manipulations and lies

My mind out of my control

This will be the death of mine  

                                                                LOVE 

                                                                    X 

                                                          THE FREAK 

 

 

 

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